Dreaming My Way to You

Sometimes we just wish we were on the way to visit our mother! Events today made me think about this old card that I sent to my mother one time and came back to me in her purse after she died. 

I remembered that I had seen it in her purse one time and asked her why she carried it around. She said it reminded her of me! That seemed odd at the time because I never imagined her wishing I were there. I only knew that there were so many times in my life that it felt like the only thing that would make me feel better would be if I could be sitting at her table. And after she died, I wished that more and more often.

It’s kind of ridiculous when you think about it, because the reality is that no matter how strong that feeling is, the truth is that as much we love our mothers, they can also drive us crazy! Sometimes they even make us feel worse, with that sharp, well-placed comment about what we’re wearing or our current hairstyle or how we’re raising our kids. Still, when something wonderful or horrible is going on, we want to run and be with them!

Last night I finished reading a book called “Spirit Car” by Diane Wilson in which the author travels through South Dakota, Nebraska, and Minnesota to discover her family’s history. At the end of the book, sitting with her mother, she remembers how her mother always told her that “she travels with us when we’re away. I know that her spirit travels at night, that she dreams her way to wherever her children are, checking that they’re safe, guiding them home again.”

I really never thought of myself in this way before but today I realized it’s true. I do dream my way to wherever my children are and I think my mother did too. It used to bug me so much when she worried about me and so I try to hide my worries from my kids. I know they’re adults and take care of themselves quite well without me and so the truth is, I don’t actually spend very much time worrying.

It’s just that even when our moms drive us crazy and even when we, as mothers, try not to drive our kids crazy….sometimes we just wish we were on our way to visit each other. And so we have to settle for spirit travels, for dreaming our way to wherever they are and checking that they are safe; sometimes guiding them home again, sometimes meeting them halfway.